On getting old

Top 10 differences between playing softball at age 21 and age 51
By Leland Sapp 

1. At 21, a squeeze play was bunting a runner in from third. At 51, it's trying to get into the shorts I wore last year.

2. Before a game at 21, I always took a couple of swings. Now I skip batting practice and take a couple of ibuprofen.

3. At 21, a dirty uniform was a badge for playing hard and diving for the ball. Now, at 51, the stains are from losing my balance while missing a ball as it goes by.

4. At 21, swinging for the fences was rewarded by rounding the bases and sliding safely into home. Now when I swing for the fences, I land dizzily on home plate before I even get to first base!

5. At 21, they put me in the outfield because I chased down fly balls like a cheetah chasing down gazelles. Now, because of I have bum knees, they put me into catch at the plate like a wounded water buffalo waiting
to be eaten at a watering hole.

6. At 21, if a ball went through my legs it was because of a bad bounce. Now if a ball goes between my legs it’s because I couldn’t reach the damn thing anyway.

7. At 21, I used to argue with the ump when he called me out on a close play at first.
Now I praise him for making a good call because I’m too winded to run anymore anyway.

8. I used to slide hard into bases on close plays. Now I yell “Whoa Nelly!” as I try to defy the laws of physics and come to a halt before plowing over the twig of a second basemen waiting to tag me out.

9. After a game I couldn't wait for beers on ice. Now I can't wait for my knees to be on ice.

10. At 21 I used to get pissed if the opposing team showed up late. Now I hope they don’t show up so I can pack up my s#*t and go home to watch the game!